Wuueeh,guys,please stay glued to your Teevees any minute from now because I, Kiriungi Njogu, might be BREAKING NEWS!! It’s nothing to be proud of anyway but honestly I had to do what I had to. So yesterday Mimi nilipata my girl child (daughter) has come home with an ugly fee payment reminder from her able teachers, (Mind you I pay a lot so she goes to school to play. Yes. To play. And grow too. She is only innocently Four). I’ve asked her daily what they learn in school, since January 7th and all she says is “A for Apple”. Even though I swallow that hard, painfully, I never question her. Why should I? She’s a good,honest girl. Anyway, back to breaking news, Mimi sikuwa na pesa. I am a first time daddy and so some of these things regretfully get me offguard. My only hope was this group. Nkaenda kwa search and searched,” 2k capital”. Almost every response was saying mitumba and camera clothes at Gikomba. And that is how I found myself at Gikomba at 6am in the morning today,Thursday. Heee ma! Honestly I didn’t know what cameras are for clothes. I thought they are clothes you wear when going for photoshoots, famous with the youths,thus the name camera. Poor me! After much searching and bargaining and being conned too,I left with well,a few tens of “clothes” which I was to sell at 200 each and make double profits for each cloth. I was set.
It has not rained in Nairobi and by the time I got to town, I looked like a nomad from Lodwar searching for his lost cows.
I did not want to go holding the “clothes” because for my first time, it felt so very weird holding Ladies’ pants(I deliberately failed to earlier mention that I got panties instead😂😂😂😂). Someone had succeeded in convincing me that they sell like hot pizza and I would soon go back for more. He was even saying they are camera panties!!!
So kufika Kirinyaga Road,nikasema wacha hii pesa ya fare nikunywe tumaji nayo,then trek,maybe by the time nafika pale Ngara I’ll have sold a few if not all of the panties. Remember it’s my first time. Nkasema Mficha uchi hazai,na mwenye haya hauzi panties apate school fee ya toto😂😂😂😂. Mimi ni nani,nikashika nguo kwa arm vizuuuri nikaanza safari. My knees were shaking. I was so weak. I didn’t know how to approach someone to ask if they need to measure one😂😂😂😂😂. How now? So I decided let me look for a kaspace kwa pavement niziweke,mtu atajiskia kupima atajileta. The church boy in me wouldn’t allow me to shout out calling at potential buyers. Then I took my phone and pretended ata si mimi nauza😅😅😅. Aki na tao I see guys holding ladies hands and pulling them to come measure them. The guts though. Other sellers wear them kwa kichwa. I couldn’t imagine doing that and at this juncture I felt conned. I wasn’t going to sell na fare nilikunywa maji.😂😂😂😂. But even before I started packing my enterprise, nliskia tu nmebebwa bebebebe from nowhere, my toes hardly touching the ground. Kanju guys!!!😰😰😰😰😰. Everything happened so fast. Nikaona hapa nikienda ndani,unless I sell my kidney,sitawai toka. I wasn’t going in. My friends, I said one Last prayer for strength like the biblical Samson( Am shaved so it was a matter of faith,hehe) and I kicked hard while pulling away at the same time. And I caught my captor unawares. Ile mbio nilienda nilijua I have a hidden talent. Plus nilijua nikishikwa tena I’ll now be charged with attempted manslaughter😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣. I remember looking back once and I saw panties ( read my investment) scattered on the highway. Never again. I’m planning to call the teacher and tell her I’ll home school my girl with immediate effect. After all, all they learn is “A for Apple”. If it’s playing we’ll play together as I unearth my newly discovered talent😂😂😂😂. I hear short races pay well.